Another Halloween in the Books

Another Halloween has come and gone for you as well as me - Hoagie The Dog.  I struggled to come up with one costume this year.  I consulted my advisors, visited fortune tellers, flipped through old issues of "O" magazine, and called radio talk shows - all in the effort of looking for advice and guidance on what I should be for Halloween.  My costume requirements seemed simple:  The costume must reflect my personality either directly or ironically, be topical and relevant, be dangerously sexy, and come at a reasonable price.  Hoagie The Dog is fiscally responsible on all holidays.  So, in the end, I landed on many costumes and changed throughout the night.  For the dusk evening - catering to the younger trick-or-treaters - I dressed as Capt. Underpants - from the children's book series.  This is ironic because #1) I am not a "certified" Captain in the traditional sense of the word, and, #2) I do not wear underpants - ever.  Never will.  For the hours between 6:00 and 8:00, I went as a mangled cat.  The teenagers who come during that time really respected me for my daringness and creativity.  Also, I found the costume topical and ironic since there are a lot of mangled cats out there and I am not one of them.  I am a dog.  Finally, for the late-night visitors, I simply threw on my silk robe, loosened it up a bit up top, draped a fashionable scarf around my neck, and sat down in an inviting pose on the front step with a bowl of candy positioned in my lap.  My thinking was that the scantily clad ladies would be coming by dressed as vixen police officers, and sexy bumble bees and they would certainly identify with my costume.  However, traffic died down after 8:00 and I was out there seemingly only to get the greyhound across the street all worked up.  I don't know if that dog is a boy or a girl (or somewhere in-between), so I may not position myself erotically in such a public setting next year.   None of my advisors warned me of this outcome - so I may have to revisit my support structure.