Hoagie The Dog

Hoagie The Dog
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Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Kris Humphries' Divorce From the Girl with the Big Behind

I - Hoagie The Dog - have followed the love life of 6 ft. 9 in. NBA forward Kris Humphries for many years.  When he was drafted by Utah and averaged 3.5 points/game for two seasons, I was mesmerized by his dating in the singles hotspot of Utah.  Then, when he was traded to Toronto - where he raised his scoring average to 4.0 points/game - I was fascinated with his pursuit of the Canadian women as he chased them throughout the area hockey arenas.  Then, when he landed briefly in Dallas for 25 games before being sent out of there without making an impact, I was honestly broken as I really thought he was going to find true love in the Lone Star State.  However, it was not meant to be.  Finally, Kris moved onto New Jersey to play for the Nets, where he really came into his own as a star and raised his career scoring total to an average of 5.6 points/game.  During the NBA lockout which nobody - including me: Hoagie The Dog - cares about, Kris thankfully found his true love in the Kardashian girl with the big behind.  You know, the one who is a professional um....uh... - well, the one with the tv show and books about um...uh... - I mean um...uh... the girl with the big ass that somehow has Capt. Wheaties Bruce Jenner as her step dad.  Well, when he finally married the big ass Kardashian girl, I was overwhelmed with joy - as Hoagie The Dog is a champion of true love.  I thought that this was a real win for a guy who has a head shaped like a canoe.  However, I now find myself 72 days after the wedding, once again following the love plight of Kris as he and that Kardashian girl with the big ass have decided to call it quits. 

Kris and his soon-to-be ex-wife with the big ass have asked me and the rest of Earth to respect their privacy during this difficult time, and have stated that they intend to remain friends. I guess that I don't understand why it's important that you keep your ex-wife of 72 days with the big ass close to you as a friend.  Nevertheless, I do not know how successful I will be in granting these two their privacy.  I will try to find a hobby to occupy my time, but I may just find myself trying to contact Kris and ask him what went wrong.  Please Kris, tell me what went wrong between you and that Kardashian girl (the one with the big ass).

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