Generally, when major television personalities announce their departure, I - Hoagie The Dog - am contacted by television executives and/or other important people in an effort to gauge my interest in replacing said television personality. When Andy Rooney left, my phone immediately rang as CBS honchos tried to convince me to share my thoughts at the end of 60 minutes. I respectfully declined as I don't work Sundays. When Oprah left I was contacted by studio executives, members of the Board of Directors of All Things Oprah, Gayle King, and selected members of the United States Congress - all pitching me on the idea of stepping into Oprah's shoes. I declined that offer as well. Now that Regis has hung up his morning show charisma, the push is on once again for Hoagie the Dog to enter America's consciousness via a talk show. This recruitment process has been especially persistent. In fact, Kelly Ripa herself is taking an active role in persuading me to move to New York and join her on her little AM gabfest. Just the other day, as I was on my walk, Kelly Ripa jumped out from behind a tree and launched into her pitch. Today, she was loitering around the front of my house, peering in the windows trying to get my attention. Obviously, I find the whole idea very flattering - as any dog who is fielding overtures to appear on TV would - but the simple fact is that I just do not have the time to host a talk show. My plate is already full with my various projects. I have my blog. I have my Christmas album that I am getting to go into the studio and record. I have my tax advisory business. I have my door-to-door saddle sales business. Let's not forget the consulting that I do for the choreography on Dancing With The Stars (DWTS).
So Kelly - stop asking me. It's just not in the cards at this time. Stop jumping out from behind trees and bothering me as I'm doing my business in a yard. Have some dignity.