Apparently, all of the animals that escaped from the wildlife refuge in Ohio have been captured or killed up to this point. All except one - the monkey. One article suggests that there were 3 monkeys loose in the streets, but the other two have been caught and sent to the zoo. The monkey remains at large.
By now, I imagine that The Monkey has acquired a disguise and has possibly assumed a new identity. Perhaps he is now taking on the appearance of a lonely drifter. I'm sure that The Monkey is following my blog - by sneaking into Internet cafes and logging on - unrecognized because of his shrewd disguise (flannel shirt, baggy pants, non-descript baseball hat pulled down over his eyes, sunglasses, unshaven monkey face). And thus, I must send The Monkey a message. My message is simple - "Come to me, you monkey!" I - Hoagie The Dog - am willing to help.
Not only will I make my backyard available to you on a temporary basis until you get back on your feet, you see, Monkey, I am very connected and I will be able to make introductions to important people for you. These people can, in turn, open doors for you and create opportunities for you similar to the ones that have been created for me - Hoagie The Dog. Your story of escape and triumph could be translated into a book deal, a cable TV movie, and eventually a talk show. But you have to come forward, you monkey.
Of course, per industry standard, I will retain 20% of all future earnings from deals and endorsements. Entertainment Agent Hoagie.
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