Holiday Confusion

I - Hoagie The Dog - enjoy the holidays.  I enjoy each and every one of them - including the lesser known ones.  However, I tend to get a little confused as to what traditions go with which holidays.  I understand that Thanksgiving is approaching.  However, I don't recall if that is the holiday that centers around a turkey or a bunny.  Halloween recently passed - was that the one with the groundhog?  So, going forward I think that I may just implement a standard celebration routine that captures all of the major holiday traditions - just so that I have all my angles covered when it comes to the pageantry.  So here is how I am going to celebrate Thanksgiving (and perhaps all holidays going forward):

Wake up early.  Put on a costume (maybe a Dracula costume), and go out in the yard and look for eggs.  If I see a bunny, I will shoot it and bring it inside and prepare it with stuffing.  After romancing my closest companion and giving her chocolates, I will re-enter the yard and shoot off some fireworks.  Then, I will stroll down to the bar and drink lousy green beer.  Upon my return to the house, I will gather with the family around a pine tree that has been placed in my living room, trade presents with each other, and finish the day talking like a pirate.

There you have it.  My go-to holiday celebration plan.  Feel free to implement a similar plan.